Episodes. That’s what I call them. Flashbacks, if you will. Sometimes debilitating. More often, though, I am just gripped by thoughts that make me stop whatever I’m doing and just get… lost in the moment… of emptiness. No, not really. A short pang of unhappiness, quickly followed by thoughtfulness.
Or so I wish.
I was going to share a song on a social medium, complete with a number of blog posts earlier made. But I thought better of it. Why expose my vulnerability that way? And so here I am, unchecking the sharing options for this one post, while I have The Script’s Flares on repeat. (And no, that was not the song I wanted to share.)
Ah, Flares. The lyrics are just so apt. Maybe I should share it here now, while I still feel the pain. But really, this post could not capture the loneliness I feel. (Quite unlike the blog posts I earlier made that I was going to share.)
I tried to hide it, I tried to run from it. But it just keeps on returning, taunting me with its presence. All reason just flies out the window. But I know it just shouldn’t be. I can’t let it happen. I’m scared of what could happen.
Now fear has always been my catalyst.
The words I use now are not enough to describe how I feel. And to be honest, I think I’m deliberately writing how I feel in a fashion that’s as vague as possible because I’m uncomfortable with it. A pity, really, that I’m censoring myself. Maybe because the situation bothers me so much.