I will follow him.

Repetitive. If I were to sum up what I’ve been doing in one word, it just might be that. Part of me just dislikes this rut. And “dislikes” has been the tamer synonym I decided to use. The first verb that came to mind was “loathes.” But that felt a bit harsh. Harsh, but perhaps apt.

Maybe I need something new in my life. Something to break the monotony. After all, it’s just work that occupies my time. My free hours are consumed by house work, and the inevitable time sink that is the internet. But even that isn’t too much… at least not comparable to the seemingly endless hours I used to spend online. I actually log a lot of sleeping hours lately. Maybe that’s a sign that I’m truly getting old.

Funny. I seemed to have deviated, inadvertently or deliberately, from my initial topic. But not really off-tangent. But aside from that rantfest above, well… I actually yearned to make one of my celebrity crushes notice me. God knows I’m not the first one to have thought of that. As a lurker I’ve made the unpleasant observation that a lot of fans have made an effort for their idol to notice them. Now, I see nothing wrong with that. It’s just that I am reluctant to do so myself. I vaguely remember writing something similar to this topic a few months — maybe even years — back. It’s just that this time, that reluctance is tinged with longing. Longing to somehow be noticed.

Like… Yeah, right. Sigh. I honestly don’t know exactly what point I’m trying to relay. All I know is that somehow I wish… that he would notice me, the object of my unsolicited and unexpressed attention. Maybe I’ve been watching too many tv shows. Of him. His screen presence just permeates my thoughts. For a few days I’ve managed to not watch the tv just so I won’t unduly translate my admiration for the roles he portrays to the real world and look for someone like that in real life. Worse, to just not allow myself to be with someone because I had this hope that I’d meet him and he’ll fall in love with me. (Okay, now where did that come from?)

Oh, such a fantastic dream! Like our paths will ever cross. Not impossible, of course, but highly unlikely. Emphasis on the likely. With all the emphases my word processor is capable of: boldface, italics, underline, double underline… I’d even make it blink. But I draw the line on that last one, just because I consider that tacky. Like, very.

Oh-em-gee. This hardly coherent post is inspired by this sudden urge for this celebrity to notice me. Siiiiiigh. Thankfully I don’t have direct contact with this celebrity crush.


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