It caught up with me.
I wonder if it’s really too late? One thing’s for sure, I’m no longer the wonder girl. Did I really want to be one in the first place? But, yes, it was admittedly flattering. But incredibly tiring. It just felt like there was no end in sight. I was just plain tired, and wanted to get away from it all. The usual sickness… the thought of running away from all responsibilities is freeing and tempting, but as always, it remained a thought. I’ve always taken my responsibilities seriously. Maybe too seriously at times.
I’ve always tried to keep my misgivings to myself, because I didn’t want to bother people about them when I haven’t sorted them out in my mind yet. But there are times I just want to air them out, to get them off my chest. And it’s disappointing when the one person I thought would understand doesn’t. Have I expected too much? And there goes that never ending sorting-it-out-in-my-head again.
So yes, maybe I expected too much. No matter how I tried to manage my expectations, it turns out that it’s not enough. Never enough.