Of realization and adoration.

I wonder how many realizations I have to go through to finally understand what I need to do.  No, it’s more like to finally act on what I know I should have done a long time ago.

I’ve always been fascinated by the unattainable ones – and I think it’s partly because I find solace in the idea that I don’t have to deal with commitment. I think it’s the reason I fell like a rock for Mr. Wonderful. He was funny, patient and protective (he had to be). And knowing he was committed just made him the perfect object of my adoration. There was something safe about flirting back with his type – at least that’s how I view it, because I have no plans of pursuing the attraction.

And the realization part. Well. I must admit that because I was so enamored by the feelings of adoration, I have sometimes neglected the one who takes the time to check on me from time to time. I put my life on hold, and I guess in a way I left him dangling. In all those years I thought he’d probably meet someone new, and there was no point in my getting my hopes up that we’d probably hit it off when I’m already free to live my life. But am I not being unfair to us both by my being still passive now? (And in being passive, I am actually — sadly — waiting for Mr. Wonderful to finally realize that I’m just… here.)

Seriously. I haven’t learned.


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