My family and I went to the dentist yesterday, and she was as cheerful as ever. Actually, I’m more fascinated by the cheerfulness of her son who wasn’t there but whose experiences she was discussing with us because we had something in common.
Her son is a law student. (Therein lies the connection.) She gave us anecdotes of how his academic life has been, and how positive his outlook is. And I envy him. I went through all that and I felt worse after I left. (As a freshman I was glassy-eyed with excitement. As a graduate, I was glassy-eyed with exhaustion.)
But, hey, here I am. I’ve graduated, took the exams and now typing away hours from the release of the results. The road to here has been one rough ride, and I can’t say I’ve been a better person after going through it. There’s a part of me that died in that emotional upheaval, and I’m just in the process of fortifying what’s left of me.
The bad thing is anchoring everything on this result. It’s not the end-all and be-all, I know. It’s just a facet of my life. But I must admit that passing it would surely give me (not just my ego) the boost I need.
And, well, everyone who has ever cared for my well-being anchored his or her prayers on this, because it’s what I’ve worked for. Perhaps not as fantastically as I would have wanted to, but I have worked for it. It would be a shame to let them down, and if there’s one thing I can’t take, it’s letting down the people I care for.
I have worked for this. And when I work, I work. I might complain, whine, rant and pretend I don’t care, but I do it. Till I finish it… or till I can. (And no, that’s not indecisiveness — that’s being realistic about it.)
Will this be the end of the road? Of course not. It’ll just show me the path I should take.