I first wanted to write about it having heard the sad news from a friend. But somehow the words just wouldn’t flow. I guess at the time I was just too disconnected from reality — I could only imagine how it would feel. (I have been fortunate that I haven’t lost someone I am particularly very close to.) And as I’ve mentioned recently, I haven’t been writing much. Perhaps I haven’t given myself time to indulge in emotions brought by personal/real-life events.
I have a rather cavalier — just a shade, but still enough to be described thus — attitude towards death. This was true even during my growing-up years, fortunate as I was to not experience its debilitating force. (It’s either I’m so good at repressing all the bad memories that I don’t remember them anymore or I have really been apathetic all these years.) Perhaps I need to undergo the extremes to actually make me aware that I’m feeling something.
Too disconnected at times, I am.
But what I do feel, however comparatively little it is to the grief you are undoubtedly feeling now, is sincere.
My thoughts and my prayers are with you.
‘Cause it ain’t love if it don’t feel that way. – Def Leppard