Posts Tagged ‘disillusionment’

I am surrendering to gravity and the unknown.

It’s no secret that I’ve been generally unhappy the past few years. I attribute that to the fact that I was (clinically undiagnosed) suffering from depression three years ago. It was a wonder I was able to finally get my act together and put my foot down and say that I don’t want to be stuck in that sorry state anymore.

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Inevitably elusive.

They say death is inevitable.
It is.
But why is it that something so inevitable
is elusive to those who want it to happen?

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Full circle.

Unlucky. So unlucky.

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You are my anchor.

Learned that one of my closest friends in high school is getting married in two months’ time. I’m happy for her, of course.

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Can I say disappointed?

I’m ready to throw in the towel.

Okay, I’ve always wanted to, but only one thing — one person — deters me.

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A memory for bad episodes.

What kind of environment will make you feel guilty for sleeping for just four hours a day? And damn it, because I spend too much time seated my scoliosis is acting up again… not to mention my muscle spasms are increasing by the day.

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Kamikaze.

Over my cup of cappuccino and her cup of latte we talked about the current situation, our near futures, and my current life which seems to be perpetually in suspended animation.

For now I’ll content myself with floating. And if I drown, then it is at it should be. I have told the Universe what I wanted. I have accepted what I could. I have received what the Universe has given me. I will not ask for more.

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The Problem with What-Ifs.

Perhaps if I hadn’t been so stubborn, I wouldn’t be stuck in this predicament. If I didn’t give up and give in too easily, I may have been happier.

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Fool.

Insane, insane, insane. When jealousy eats you up inside, and you make a pact with yourself to not feel anything, the universe taunts you with the very thing you want to forget.

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Evil Personified.

The bad eye, the bad back, the bad heart… I have bad everything.

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